Feb 8

 Zechariah 9 - 14

Reflections

- in chapter 10, I am reminded of God's redemptive purpose and how he restores people. how he proceeded to restore a failed nation, Israel. I am encouraged in this moment, because I considered myself a failed business, with nothing done right. It is 1 month, and I am still struggling to secure any deals. I already lost one, and every chase is like chasing into air. There is also a lot of structural work to be done for my company, and a lot of personal development and planning to be done on my own. I sometimes wonder, sometimes worry... if I proceed with this, what if someone else copies, what if someone else does it before me, what if someone else is already doing it... what if.... and then I get so paralyzed by what I am facing. I want God's redemption. Come and save me. It looks so easy, the salvation that God gives. I wonder... why is mine so hard.

Then in chapter 11, I see another more dire version of warnings. it started with God , or rather, the prophet Zechariah speaking prophetically on like rejecting Israel and Judah. there is reference that he "rejected them" by breaking of a shepherd staffs. 2 for both of them, and then using of terms saying like he sold them both away. But at the end of the chapter is punishment for the one who was given charge over those 2 nations. there is a very powerful curse and press onto the supposedly shepherds for both nations. I feel reflective of the duties given as a leader from that. 

another thing that crosses my mind as I recall and read though each pain streaking passages of the old testament, each part where God gives punishment and deals heavy stuff onto Israel, it is also not just to press justice onto them. I feel if he really wants to, pressing justice would means wiping out the entire Israel, which also means.... no Israel as of today. To be honest, it is very hard to imagine the Israel of today still being considered God's chosen nation. it is.... so pathetic, so weak, and so far away from God. they are so scattered, and the nation, the world hates them so badly. makes me wonder... where do I stand... as a Christian, I read of their stories, of their content, but I never considered myself in their story. They look so irrelevant. And I always wonder why. Now, I stop. Because I think I understood why... why my mom also aways has this favoring bias and liking towards Israel. it is obedience. and I think I am ready to also accept that obedience, that God chosen Israel for a special purpose, and in that purpose, they are also given special privileges. But doesn't matter, I am not treated or regarded as 2nd hand products to God. 

jan 28

 Zechariah 6 - 8

Reflections

As I read these 3 chapters, I am reminded on how God after Israel was being exiled, was being brought back to Jerusalem. But what stood out to me is not that Israel deserved it, but that God had planned for it, and whether or not Israel was going to do it, he ensured they were given back their lands. I am comforted in this passage that however bad things goes, my success won't be taken from me, and the planned big moments, or "lands" that is allocated to me won't be taken away, all I need to do is focus on my lane, and do my thing

jan 26

 Zechariah 1 - 5

Reflections:

As I read these 5 chapters, what comes to mind is my current walk. How it has progressed through out the years. How I struggled, never gave up, how certain days was worse than others. The book... is one of the most floaty I have ever read. The visions... don't feel relevant, and a lot of it... I can't really apply. But after reading the 5 chapters, I feel at peace, and there is less worry in my head, like something cleared up. Even the restlessness and the insomnia all gave way. Weird thing is it's early in the morning, so I don't think I can sleep again.

Jan 25

 Habakkuk, Zephaniah & Haggai

Reflections:

Today is one of those days where everything goes south. The whole week probably... nothing went right. I quarreled with Valerie the whole week, my sleeping schedule and time table got messed up, I struggle to even secure deals.. Everything went South. Today is one of those days where I wonder what on earth am I doing, what on earth is going on, and is God even with me, am I doing something wrong, why is nothing going right, am I supposed to pivot into something else, am I supposed to push on, what is going on. There's like no stability in my life, no consistency or constant. Everyday is like fire fighting. Everyday is like reinventing, and it is so exhausting. The whole real estate career is full of more downs than ups. I am wondering where did I go wrong, am I not enough, what did I not do right... I am.. in such a mess.

Jan 20

 Nahum 1 - 3

Reflections:

As I reflect on these books that talks about the destruction of Nineveh, I find a very interesting contrast between them and Jonah, and also more that the book came closely to each other. I now think I can identify with Jonah even more. It wasn't just that he was running away, he had every reason to be bitter against Nineveh as well. This is the capital of Assyria, and God ask him to go and preach salvation to them. In a way, it is like asking someone to forgive their worse enemy. as I reflect on the book of Jonah, the bitterness that Jonah shown towards Nineveh, I start to feel like I understand where he is coming from. And it is not like God doesn't feel unhappy towards them either, as I read about their destruction, I can see that God himself was upset too. The book describe it as God will not let the guilty go unpunished. 

I look at it and see that when men become prideful and think of themselves as higher than God or with potential to become independent, then God comes in swinging. I also noticed that Egypt was cited, also noting that Egypt became a nation used as example as well. Another thing to note is this is before the Babylonian nation becoming a powerhouse. Context that it was also the period where God is long sufferingly tolerating Israel, but also, Israel's timeline hasn't reach its worse point. They however continued to reign for many many centuries before finally getting hammered down.

Jan 19

 Micah 4 - 7

Reflections:

These chapters, as I read it, it feels like the prophet is talking about the coming of Jesus. A fair amount of narratives dedicated to that. From Bethlehem, rise up to shepherd like no other. And the tone used for it. But to it I also can see why Judaism mistakes it as a savior that comes for war. because after that, right after that, God talks about slaughtering the Assyrians.

Jan 17

 Micah 1 - 3

Reflection.

The 1 that stuck out to me most is chapter 2. most recently, I had a dealing in real estate where the buyer is a christian, and a really difficult one at that too. The property was purchase for the purposes of investment. I helped him negotiated a good deal, but he still wanted more. Wanted to come out with ways to reduce his downpayment. and the mistake I made was helping him. I helped him get a marked up loan for the property where the landlord sells at a higher valuation, and the buyer pays a certain portion of the marked up valuation as mark-up fees to the landlord. But when the deal goes through and the property changes hands to the buyer, the buyer does not want to pay up for his part of the deal, and backs out, leaving a very sticky situation between him and the vendor. In fact, this thing also happened between him and the lawyer and banker where after they finished half the work, he backs out not wanting to pay them, and initiate connections with another lawyer. And now as I read chapter 2, I find comfort that it says God will judge him, by removing the fortunes and profits given to him. I don't know how, but I do know it will be done fairly. Same time, from this I also learn... I will not a gain conform to doing deals like this ever again.