Dec 26

 Daniel 2 - 3

The circumstances of Daniel feels same as me. Caught in a situation where he is going to be destroyed, given very little time and with that very little time, have to create some kind of magic.

I often wonder, if real estate is a mistake, if I should have went for a different career like corporate, or something more stable and smooth. Because the career I am in and am doing is going no where. there's no success, and very little results. Victories that bears no meaning, and acquisitions that in the end turns out to be mistakes. Am I being led by God? Am I consulting God on what I do? I find myself constantly running away from the fact that my career is a mess, and that I am actually doing very badly. There's no stability in my career at all, and I am making losses. I actually have to also borrow money to sustain myself and feed myself. This year, I made only 10k in sales value, and had so much headache given to me through out my career period. Is the lack of success in my career because I am not following God? I feel like there's no long term results I am getting. Every build only last for a few months or max 1 year. And then it doesn't continue on. Evaporates and looses value. Oh God, is this the wrong job I am doing that's why you are not blessing the work of my hands? Isn't it promised that if I honor you and put you first then the works of my hands will be blessed? It now feels like only my wife is being blessed. I am being left out. Or I am not counting my blessing? I am struggling with no money, no income, no nothing. I am worried for my future, I am worried for where this is going.

This book of Daniel talks about God being the one who provides wisdom, answers.... I feel like my faith is archeological findings lately. I struggle to hear God, I struggle to include him into my career. I struggle to allow him to work through me...And I don't know what I am doing. Or is it that I lack belief? That I don't believe in what God wants to do for me? Which is why as I read this book, even more questions and puzzles comes to my head.

As Daniel interpret dreams and visions to the king Nebuchadnezzar, I wonder to myself, what is the dream and vision that he has given me. have I held on to it.... I think not, and I think I am struggling to hold on, with no results to speak for itself. 

Consistently, the 1 thing Pastor and his wife both kept reminding me about is to take things slow and be still. remember that he is God. everything, be still, don't worry. hold out, God will come true.

Right after having all these doubts and concerns, the next message I read is regarding chapter 3, where Nebuchadnezzar builds a golden statue and then the jews doesn't want to bow down and worship it, but because there is death decree for all those who do not bow to it, all of them does so, except for Daniel's 3 friends (quite sure Daniel didn't too) And because they didn't, they stood out like a sore thumb to the public, this felt like the world that I am facing now, they don't come as lethally as like back in the days, but they control soft power very subtly, and they create systems and statures that does not follow what the bible instructs. also, they are very powerful and successful in whatever aspect they are doing, making me really want to follow them, especially after seeing how unsuccessful I am, But I can't, for some reason... no matter how I proceed with it, it is like there is some kind of barrier stopping me.Something like a moral code that holding me back.

Dec 20

 Daniel 1-

reflections

Chapter 1

this chapter is about Daniel and his 3 friends being brought into the courts of Babylon. It is the most commonly quoted scripture where when you put God first, God will in turn put you first. But I think it has. to be also taken into context where the Daniel and his 3 friends were living in accordance to God's perfect will, which is to make sure that they continue to preserve Israel culture, even in foreign lands. and from the looks of it, whatever job they did is not the main point. main point is that with the role that God gave them in where they live, they fulfill it to the best they could for God.

Dec 17

 Ezekiel 39-48

Reflections:

This one shows God's redemption plan. Instead of giving more judgement, more destruction as compared to the rest of the book, this part he shows restoration. How he will rebuild Israel, starting from the temple. His dwelling place, the holies of holies, all the way down to the measurements of the temple. I think it is very significant because instead of talking about restoration with just 1 or 2 chapters, during exile, he took 10 chapters to talk about restoration, rebuilding and returning. Each books were very detailedly written, down to details of how big, how wide each building or component is to be constructed. I think even though Ezekiel wasn't the most emotional of books.... in fact, it probably is a judgment book as I heard many say it,  this part goes to say and remind that that is forgiveness.

Dec 15

 Ezekiel 39 - 

Reflections:

chapter 39 looks like the foreshadowing of what God will do when he comes back glorious to resign as supreme leader over all the entire world. as I look at the historical accounts of Gog and Magog, it looks like a nation who has been taking advantage of Israel for a very long time during Israels exile, and now, is having to pay the price. There is a lot of symbolism to be regarded from this, among them, the weapons that these nations pride themselves on using, all are going to be used by Israel as firewood. And then the fleshes of these powerful nation's warriors and kings will be used as food for wild animals. God even said to the wild animals, it will be like buffet for them. God treat these soldiers and powerful mighty men like food to be delivered as meals, luxurious meals to the wild animals. And for the main reason to point out his might, power and greatness to the entire nation of Israel and to the inflicted nations.

Dec 14

 Ezekiel 36 - 38

reflections:

This 3 chapters talks about the might of God to rescue and bring life again in spite of failure, hardship and struggles. 36 about God restoring the mountains and fields to be populated by Israel again. And he highlights that he is doing it not because of sympathy or compassion for Israel, but for holiness. because of a promise I believe. and from there, the action makes Israel remember God not because of his power, might and strength, but I realize.... because he is constant. long suffering, and disciplined (for the lack of a better word or thought process to describe the consistency I am witnessing). After reading, I get that He is not talking about how fast, and how swift he can do the restoration, more the magnitude or volume of it, but the sheer consistency of keeping to his promises, remembering every detail he announced, and all the rules he set for himself. the follow through.. now that is beyond impressive, and worthy to be worshipped. 

When comes chapter 37 which talks about dry bones becoming flesh part. this one goes to another level. I felt it because of 2 things. I used to hear people tell me from the respective of saying that God can easily replace Israel by turning bones into flesh into people. living people. but this time, when I read it again, I see God doesn't have the intention to replace them. Rather, God is using the miracle to show Israel that he can save them from anywhere and in any circumstances. He will not be handicapped, nor will He be contained from doing whatever His will is or His plan is. Every thing flows and submits to his mightiness. 

Today was a very tough day dealing with my father in law. His negativity exploded to big levels, and he targeted me today and yesterday, making himself very obnoxious. It was very hard to think straight and not focus on what he says as personal insults. Hard to not feel like reacting when it feels like he is being difficult on purpose. His mind is like wired to not look at things positively. God is good however to provide me with a wife that could help see and prevent me from spiraling emotionally, and balancing me out. 

Dec 13

 Ezekiel 33 - 35

Reflections;

Chapter 33

This chapter talks about a very different optics. The perspective that God doesn't like to see punishment though it is necessary. Verse 11 very clearly says I do not take delight in death of wicked people, but that they turn from their ways. and then with emphasis, Turn! and then again Turn from their ways. The highlight here is not just emotional, but also principle. I think this book is the 1 part, the only part that shows the true heart of God, the emotional part that has been hidden though out the whole of Ezekiel. A contrast between the severity of Sin, and how big a destruction it will cause to the nations and people who participate in it, and how badly God doesn't want that consequences to fall on the people. Also highlights.... that salvation through Christ is not the main solution, not the 1st solution, is the final and last option solution. The last resort alternative. But also in it, there is unmistakably, also the tone of frustration and having been pushed to the boundaries of limits.

Chapter 34

This chapter now talks about leadership. But it doesn't frame leadership as the way we see it. it frames it as responsibility, and accountability. that end of the day, it's not a reward. It's a role. A duty, a fiduciary duty that has been entrusted. And if failed? it has severe consequences. But it doesn't just stop there, it also goes at the people who are being the beneficiary of good leadership and good management. It goes at the sheep who dirties their pastures, spoil the food that they eat so the next person can't eat it, and soil the drinking water so the next person can't drink it. the "shutting the door behind them" action. God doesn't take kindly to this either, and clearly, I think, he puts this offense on the same level as incompetent and irresponsible shepherds. 

Chapter 35

This one talks about carnibalising another person's career, or profiting of other people's mistakes in ways that damages and affects their survival, or stealing something that belongs to them. Of the top of my head, the only thing I can think of is stealing someone else's spouse. This part deals a lot with the punishment and consequences of people who engage in this. Also, it talks about what one sets their mind to focus on. What one "likes". God says "because you like bloodshed, bloodshed will follow you" in a way saying you like it so much? here, I will give it to you, but not in a fun way.

Dec 12

 Ezekiel 25 -32

reflections:

Ezekiel 25

Everyone of the nations that opposed Israel was being destroyed. Every single one of them. What I took back from this reading is that though the punishment and destruction that they brought onto Israel was planned by God, I think the context is also, they too were given a choice. whether to oppose Israel and let another nation do the dirty work, or do it themselves. and God is clear, if you attack the chosen ones, he will attack back. So it wasn't just a question of why God attacked them back, I feel like it's also "one cannot attack God's chosen, which includes Christians, and hope to get away with it freely. very reassuring that nothing that happens to me in bad faith will go unpunished.

Ezekiel 26 - 32

I noticed a few things here, the big nations that are being brought low, a lot more account is being devoted to them, lot more writing space is given to them to 1, show how mighty is God, but also no 2, to also show that God judge them with the same measuring stick he judge all nations. all of them disobedient to him, not wanting to follow/ listen to him, he clear them off the deck like the rest. but instead of leaving them alive like Israel or Judah, he wipe them off. no more lineage after that.