Dec 26

 Daniel 2 - 3

The circumstances of Daniel feels same as me. Caught in a situation where he is going to be destroyed, given very little time and with that very little time, have to create some kind of magic.

I often wonder, if real estate is a mistake, if I should have went for a different career like corporate, or something more stable and smooth. Because the career I am in and am doing is going no where. there's no success, and very little results. Victories that bears no meaning, and acquisitions that in the end turns out to be mistakes. Am I being led by God? Am I consulting God on what I do? I find myself constantly running away from the fact that my career is a mess, and that I am actually doing very badly. There's no stability in my career at all, and I am making losses. I actually have to also borrow money to sustain myself and feed myself. This year, I made only 10k in sales value, and had so much headache given to me through out my career period. Is the lack of success in my career because I am not following God? I feel like there's no long term results I am getting. Every build only last for a few months or max 1 year. And then it doesn't continue on. Evaporates and looses value. Oh God, is this the wrong job I am doing that's why you are not blessing the work of my hands? Isn't it promised that if I honor you and put you first then the works of my hands will be blessed? It now feels like only my wife is being blessed. I am being left out. Or I am not counting my blessing? I am struggling with no money, no income, no nothing. I am worried for my future, I am worried for where this is going.

This book of Daniel talks about God being the one who provides wisdom, answers.... I feel like my faith is archeological findings lately. I struggle to hear God, I struggle to include him into my career. I struggle to allow him to work through me...And I don't know what I am doing. Or is it that I lack belief? That I don't believe in what God wants to do for me? Which is why as I read this book, even more questions and puzzles comes to my head.

As Daniel interpret dreams and visions to the king Nebuchadnezzar, I wonder to myself, what is the dream and vision that he has given me. have I held on to it.... I think not, and I think I am struggling to hold on, with no results to speak for itself. 

Consistently, the 1 thing Pastor and his wife both kept reminding me about is to take things slow and be still. remember that he is God. everything, be still, don't worry. hold out, God will come true.

Right after having all these doubts and concerns, the next message I read is regarding chapter 3, where Nebuchadnezzar builds a golden statue and then the jews doesn't want to bow down and worship it, but because there is death decree for all those who do not bow to it, all of them does so, except for Daniel's 3 friends (quite sure Daniel didn't too) And because they didn't, they stood out like a sore thumb to the public, this felt like the world that I am facing now, they don't come as lethally as like back in the days, but they control soft power very subtly, and they create systems and statures that does not follow what the bible instructs. also, they are very powerful and successful in whatever aspect they are doing, making me really want to follow them, especially after seeing how unsuccessful I am, But I can't, for some reason... no matter how I proceed with it, it is like there is some kind of barrier stopping me.Something like a moral code that holding me back.