pause

updates to this blog shall be paused till the 22nd or the 23rd for traveling purposes. its really difficult to be traveling and blogging at the same time. Also, its even harder to be typing with someone elses computer due to the different keyboard position. Finally, even harder it is to think and calm one self to focus just enough to produce proper thoughts to write them. thus, a minor short pause which will resume soon i guess.

Thank you God

I had one of the best times ever traveling in one of the places that i used to dread most. Evidence that if putting God first is done, things will slowly start to fall in place. I started of the trip by dedicating its entirety to God stating out a few goals and desires that must be achieved at the end of it.
-get over my breakup so i can focus more on God when i am doing my quiet time, and when i am serving in church, and when i am interacting with people, and so i don't get so desperate to desire a girlfriend
-be contented with singlehood as it is also a gift from God.
-treasure my friend who is travelling with me.
-see the places and people i dislike from God's perspective and learn to love them
-find out more about the historical truths of the specific significant era that those places contributed to.  Especially the Christian era.
- finally, hidden symbolism.

Enjoying the trip was placed at the last, and a bonus if anything else did happened. I really wanted to get myself in order so badly, that if any of those desires and goals be achieved, I counted it that I have already enjoyed the trip. But God was about to prove to me that he is by far capable of far more than that.
I never understood how much difference a good travel companion would make compared to a bad one. The last travel companion I had complained that I was too touristy because of the way I carry myself and take pictures. Now I think about it, I wonder who was the one who had a misconception of travelling. Deep regret do I have in bringing her around to see the world in the ways she so desire, while I lost the chance to see the world with the eyes I wanted, and to some extend, I could never see those parts in the way I wanted ever again because the timing has already past. With this "old friend", I can look at all the historical artifacts I want, take as many  " silly pictures" I wish, and relate God to even him who travels with me in my own way.
To my friends who wants to travel, look for a travel companion who would
-pray together with you as you travel,especially in moments where sin is imminent (you never know when they pop round in travel, and they come real hard too)
-challenge you to overcome old barriers
-brings up and answers to Godly conversations
-down to earth

this 4 points where what which was found in the friend I traveled with. But God came greater. Knowing what I really want, but at the same time what I really need, God has never ceased to amaze me in the trip.
One of the things I was really looking forward to was experiencing local culture of the place. God brought my friend and I to two cities so far with great culture, and brought people who were kind and willing to demonstrate those culture to us for free. In venice, I got a chance to put on the venerian festival mask and suit. In rome, a public display of their orchestra (for free) was being held, preforming classics of Italy. I got to see much church history too as well as recieve impressions from God how things were in the past. Not all that different from modern age I must admit.
All in all. a wonderful trip with much being achieved. I can only kneel and praise God now.

venice(finale)

And the trip in venice comes to a close.Next stop Rome. Will I miss this place? Without a doubt. It is a really beautiful place. So cultured, so much scenery, so much beauty be it night or day. The next time I come here would be for a honeymoon though. The atmosphere in this place is most indulgent when with a partner,but painfully difficult without one. Not to mention, the circumstance that I currently am in makes it way harder. Apart from that, historically, this is one place that has to be explored. Indeed, it is a place that the historian in me can appreciate.
Next stop Rome. Am I in anticipation? absolutely! But at the same time fearful of reality there. Crime and hostility is apparently no joke. There is this story going round saying that people there would use knifes to slash open your bags to get a hold of your belongings. A lot of muggings, a lot of dark works at work. At the same time, there is so much places of historical value to visit, so much history to dig into, evidence to seek. It feels as though I am about to enter a forest of wolves looking for a sacred grove or something of that sort. haha. Pray for me. Now. Of to pack and get meself ready for the last few bits of Venice.

venice trip part 1

Oh bother, the last trip of moving around europe begins with me forgetting my camera. Oh the injustice that I have done to myself! Hahahaha. This trip if anything have really been nothing but a really impressive journey for me. Venice is showing me an entirely different side of italy, and I really like it. Hopefully this keeps up till Rome. Most of the rest of italy has been a great let down to me. Venice from what I know has a really colorful kind of community festivals. Thanks to the game assassins creed 2, I have a general idea as to the mask festival that is held in venice every february. I do not really know how it is being celebrated now adays. Will have to do some research about it. According to one of the locals, it was originally celebrated because the king one day wanted to have a type of celebration that would include everyone, and thus begin the mask celebration where everyone wears a peculiar mask that potrays a peculiar personality. Eg: the doctor, the casenova, the clown, the king, and so on. The mask that I find most amusing is the doctors mask. This whole city is one surrounded with loads of water, and people pretty much get around by boats. Ah well. Borrowing a camera from a friend. Photos will be up soon. Hopefully.

The thinking of a person

Recently, I found out; what you where thinking before going to bed would be the first thing you wake up to think about when you wake up. Meditation. What most people finds strange to speak about, and shunt entirely actually is a process of thoughts that cannot be avoided. How interesting I thought, when I first found out about it.
So what formulates someones thinking? Belief system? Education? Experience? All of it? I used to quantify thinking of a person to a very small box. A person from a certain country would think this way, a person with a certain education would think another way, boy was I about to find out a whole new thought system that is used.
How does one juggle emotions together with logic then? Is it even possible to be able to process a thinking patent that has both an emotional and logical aspect to it without being bias? Though the bible, we learned that we can confine each thought and do what I call boxing out the unneeded thoughts. But from my perspective, a good blend of the emotional and the logical can only come with the united front of men and women. Due to the visionary thinking that men possesses, it makes men thinks of emotional thoughts and logical thoughts separately. Allow me to even say that the reason for this is the position of command ie: following that a men's position would demand. Thus also demanding that there be followers of him. Women has a different thinking. more grid/ radar. Thus being able to see what is the path to a vision.  I have known people to be offended by this, but I will still say it, with the visionary mind of men, women are meant to follow them, not wait for a "perfect" man to follow. Of course, whether the man is visionary is another story, but that of course should be left to God to decide.
Today I had a very pleasant conversation of a women, and she brought up a very good point about how the media will sell out an image of a totally distorted position that women should be holding. Women are now being told to do what men are supposed to be doing, from the position of men. Is it right? NO by all means. Its like asking an ant to do what a termite does. What makes it worse is the men who comes to defend the position of women are regarded as weak or un-understanding of the circumstances. How does women survive in a world trying to fufill men's purposes with the rights of men instead of women's purposes and rights of women? You have 1, no equality, 2 no survival, 3 decay, and finally death.

Forget

Today in my devotion, I remember something I used to do, still do, and am frustrated with because I am still trying to not do. Forgetting God's grace.
Galatians 3
This passage was talking a lot about remembering what God has done for us, the sufferings we have gone through together, and that giving up should not be considered an option that is available. As I read on, I can feel as though Paul is scolding me for being too "fleshy". Too focused on things that are not of God, no delight to him, though being permitted to me. One might think that this is too much to ask, however, I will argue that nothing is too much when it comes to trying to put all focus back to God. All things that does not lead to God will point to sin, it is only a matter of sooner or later. Whether you realise it or not makes no difference. Sin afterall, is still sin. And indeed the most fustrating disposition can be that the very thing you enjoyed doing most, is actually sin, and now you struggle with trying to be rid of it for it has not just taken out so much time, but also have been part of the way of conduct in the daily life.
God on the other hand expects us to not just raise out of our dependency of the flesh, but raise into receiving his abundance of grace. Strange how we endlessly try to earn trust when it is given freely, and by not receiving it freely but forcefully earning it, we ended up being accounted as foolish people. But that is apparently the reality as by our own means, we can never really earn anything.
Talking about wanting. Have you realised how deceitful your heart can get? How good it is at corruption? I have still yet to realise its full potential, but I have seen a fair bit of mine already.

Evening devotion

The last few days of doing my daily devotion have been unsettlingly uneasy. Every time I tried to bring my focus down, it blows up and away wandering on and on to other thoughts that I had believed where tamed and taken out. But no. It wonders and wonders all the way there. I felt rather helpless and fustrated that each time I sit down to pray, my thoughts starts flying.
Is God greatly unpleased with something that I am doing? Personally, I find that there are a lot of things that I am doing and have been doing greatly unpleasing and it has also been a struggle to rid myself of them. Self, desire, want. Sometimes it feels like to be a Godly person, one must come close to becoming a monk. Hide oneself away from the world. For if one associates with the world long enough, one can actually become of the world far too easily. 

"You will be in the world but not of the world". Thats a random passage that pops into my mind as I write this. The other thing that came to mind was the bible reading i had yesterday regarding the last chapter of 2nd Corinthians. Godly living. Paul speaks of Christ granting power to every Christian to tame all thoughts to the submission of Christ. To take every action only for the benefit of Christ. This is evidence of one's salvation. Not that one has successfully done it, but that one is actively doing it?
More and more do I find myself in awkward positions of struggle. Loneliness I feel during and after the struggle. Wondering if anyone else I know would actually feel the same way I do.
Sigh.. My Christian walk is still so unsettling that instead of influencing people around me, I get influenced so easily as well, without knowing it; I start talking and speaking like those around me whom I have decided that I must influence. Subconsciously I would not put my foot down, but if I had been conscious about what I am doing, I would be death struck fearful of what I have been doing, which is what often happens when I have finished associating with some people. " What on earth have I been speaking?", usually is the first thing that comes to my mind. How unedifying was it, really?
I feel humbled.