Evening devotion

The last few days of doing my daily devotion have been unsettlingly uneasy. Every time I tried to bring my focus down, it blows up and away wandering on and on to other thoughts that I had believed where tamed and taken out. But no. It wonders and wonders all the way there. I felt rather helpless and fustrated that each time I sit down to pray, my thoughts starts flying.
Is God greatly unpleased with something that I am doing? Personally, I find that there are a lot of things that I am doing and have been doing greatly unpleasing and it has also been a struggle to rid myself of them. Self, desire, want. Sometimes it feels like to be a Godly person, one must come close to becoming a monk. Hide oneself away from the world. For if one associates with the world long enough, one can actually become of the world far too easily. 

"You will be in the world but not of the world". Thats a random passage that pops into my mind as I write this. The other thing that came to mind was the bible reading i had yesterday regarding the last chapter of 2nd Corinthians. Godly living. Paul speaks of Christ granting power to every Christian to tame all thoughts to the submission of Christ. To take every action only for the benefit of Christ. This is evidence of one's salvation. Not that one has successfully done it, but that one is actively doing it?
More and more do I find myself in awkward positions of struggle. Loneliness I feel during and after the struggle. Wondering if anyone else I know would actually feel the same way I do.
Sigh.. My Christian walk is still so unsettling that instead of influencing people around me, I get influenced so easily as well, without knowing it; I start talking and speaking like those around me whom I have decided that I must influence. Subconsciously I would not put my foot down, but if I had been conscious about what I am doing, I would be death struck fearful of what I have been doing, which is what often happens when I have finished associating with some people. " What on earth have I been speaking?", usually is the first thing that comes to my mind. How unedifying was it, really?
I feel humbled.