Allow me to ask this question. Which comes first. Fear or the losing of faith? Or do you start doubting and mistrusting someone first, then only start losing faith in them?
For me, I realise everything starts small, and always a compromise. Oh, how I grief God with my compromising ways. It usually starts with a "alright, this is the last time I will be doing this, or a this will be the only time I don't do this, and then the escalation starts from there, increasing ridiculously in the omission count, or exponentially in things that I should not be doing. Purity has always been, and now remains to be an area that I never won a fight in. What more to know that on top of sucking so bad at this fight, people around me does not seem to, or rather, my peers never seem to have any trouble with this area. Not as bad as me at least. That frustrates me the most because now, its hard not to see inferiority in myself. Gosh writing this is hard. I hope no one really sees this. (haha. how impossible is that)
Have you ever been though the moments when you know your just lukewarm. Your not among those "elites", yet your not among the "trash" either. Often. Often do I find it hard to share/ select a friend to be close to.
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