Today is one of the days where I actually experience a whole new level of them. Never in my life have I crave the death of someone before. Never in my life was I ever capable of looking at a photograph and wish to God that person died. Can I kill? I have dreamed of myself killing an entire nation before. The question at hand is not how much vengeance do I crave. Its what kind of lesson or craving am I seeking that makes me struggle so hard to forgive this time?
When love gets shortchanged, the next thing that comes after that is a hate so great that overcomes mere emotional love and translate it into hate so great. Naruto depleted it so well. Its one that is strong enough to even give new powers to someone. To a certain extend, I would agree with that perspective. Until you experience hate of such level, you will probably never understand the trill of killing. I never killed physically, but I can tell you, the feeling when you have killed someone in a video game while harboring this kind of feelings is sensationally evil. Deep in you can suddenly boil an anger so great that you would be willing to trade a life for another.
So where does this anger comes from? It comes from a subtle thirst for retribution. A thirst for right to be done. Is such thirst righteous? It is. But to what extend does it becomes bad? when forgiveness blows its way out of the window. Without forgiveness, retribution will transcend into anger and hate. And where does this goes to next? great suffering.
Oh dear God please calm down my heart. Put sense back into my head. Do not let me sleep with so much anger in my head.
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