my worship

As I was worshiping today in church. In fact. When I worship in church. I always have to play a constant battle of focus against my mind. To set my mind clear and focus on only bringing praise to the one being that I am worshiping and not let my mind wonder. If anything, it has been and remains a difficult task since so many things though does not demands worship and adoration, will request attention which leads to adoration and soon, subtle worship. Is it a frustrating thing? Very. I realised, the older I get, the more of these things starts to pile up, the harder worshiping God gets. Releasing ones self to worship properly gets harder and harder. And when one is not careful, one gets so easily caught up in ones own self that one forgets how to adore another and becomes less selfish then forgetting the art of worship- losing ones self.
When I was younger, I had this practice. Every time, before each worship session, I will pray and ask God to forgive me of all my transgressions first. That time, I had an inferiority complex of myself, coupled with the view point that I am a horridly sinful person who can never be accepted before God. Now that I have learned forgiveness, the new problem of remembering the importance of such practice comes. Forgetting who we really are. Forgetting who we are worshiping and what the demand really is. And forgetting what level of performance is required.
I found from worship a lot of foundations to who God, my relationship with God really is. Though it was a small small start, it was enough to help me understand what God really is like and what my relationship with him really is like. I understood to the most minor point of Gods sovereignty. Which was the reason why he deserves worship. Then I felt the love that comes with the presence of his as he comes to be worship, though it was the most superficial form that I have ever felt from him. Nothing beats the quiet times that I have with him in my own room now. Worship also thought me how God hates sin and how sin affects me. I always struggle to worship God with sin affecting me. Especially I done something that I have had a long term struggle with. Those would be the days that my worship mood would suffer the most. Finally, I learned how God is concerned about my well being by lifting my damped and blue mood every time during worship. Those of you who knows me to a more personal level would probably know I am a form of quiet melancholic choleric person. Though you might not see it, I can actually understand emotions of people to a whole new level especially when God reviews it. Thus expressing myself was also something learned during worship. I never really was a person good with reading emotions or expressing them myself. Only from being completely open with God (afterall, keeping the knowledge that there is no hiding anything from him.)
Worship is a process of entertaining God at multiple stages. If you look at it carefully, you will notice that it is not a monotonous program of a single agenda. It is like a theater where performers comes out at different stages to impress. Worship in my opinion should be regarded as the same. You have to impress God on different levels of performance.
As I ponder on it alone, I wonder if God would unite me with a person who worships similarly to the way I would. Reading the words from Joshua Harris's book, worship as a couple orchestrated differently from how a single would, I actually found myself looking forward to it each time I think about it though I know much better than ever that now I should enjoy singlehood to its best, probably because it is one stage of worship I have never experience before. No doubt challenging in its own way.