Today I started my quiet time on the materials of Romans. Boy is it some painful book to read. Constantly reminding me of the different sins that I have. Even some that I never knew of but are more serious than that which I used to do and probably am still doing.
Today I went through the chapter 1 and 2. Boy is this hard to write it without sounding judgmental. But I really have no intention to judge anyone, least of all the readers of this for I myself have been judged according to the scale of God and found terribly lacking in every area. If anything, God had to put the weight of his son on my side of the scale to balance against the other side. It is nicely encouraging that in the opening of the chapter 1, Paul says in verse 16 and verse 17 : for it is the power of God to salvation for everyone who believes, for the Jew first and also the Greek. For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith ; as it is written, the just shall live by faith. This apparently might be all the comfort you will find, and as I read on the 2 chapters, I found myself having to constantly remind myself, my salvation is not by works but by grace and mercy. I do not judge you. Only God does. If this post does makes you feel bad in anyway, please do not consider me being the one rebuking you, for do note that I do not know who is reading this. I merely write this as a reflection to my daily quiet time. In fact, it is pretty hard to write it all out because it personally deals with me. If you do feel that tingling poking on you when you read this post coming with the logging to shrug this post off, please don't. Continue to read it. For you do not know if God meant for you to read it. Though loving it, I do not intend to force anyone nor invite anyone to share my perspectives. I invite you to allow God to use my writings to speak to you. So please read it to the end. If even the slightest bit of it brings you closer to God, then the mission I have set out for has been completed.
Sin
Right after verse 17 straight came verse 18 where the bashing truly starts. God reviews himself to all. His invisible attributes are seen by all. and understood by all. Even his eternal power and Godhead so there being no excuse. Before you deny that, ask yourself. have you ever considered human race to be the most superior thing on this plain of existence. Not using the word earth here because that would limit us all to the perceptions of the physical. I am talking both physical and spiritual. Example, Ghost as many people acknowledge are superior beings to humans. No one has ever spoken themselves as any equal to spirits and their kind. Everyone has some kind of reverence, whether it is fear or something else for them. Thus the over loading of horror/ spiritual/ fantasy movies and shows. But this is not for establishment of their existence The point is whether people believe it or not, they do have some level of "know" that a superior being exist.
the passage continues by saying, the core root of all the immoralities comes from the dis-acknowledgement of God being the author and finisher of life. With people wanting to take things into their own hands, God gave them over to their carnal desires and and dishonoring of their own bodies. He gave them over to a totally debased mind.
After reading that passage, I start to reflect back upon my life. I have gave in to my carnal desires before. And I have no lack of them. Neither do I lack in ideas to dishonor myself. If anything. I might be able to invent new ones. It scares me to think that I am so distant from God. The picture that was painted in my mind was not that because I sin, thus I face the wrath of God. But rather, by rejecting God, we are subjected to his wrath which is the distancing of his presence which results in us having not the power to defend ourselves against our most carnal and horrid nature. It is like wearing a shirt made out of live ants and scorpions and as they bite and sting, we shake them of hard only to have them retaliate harder. Imagine all the insects crawling around your body. That is how we look in sin. Disgusting. But if you ask me why the exasperation, I would say when we sin, our body comes close to being defiled by insects. And many films comes to mind where a corrupt soul gets consumed inside out by bugs. Ie: the mummy, fire ant, Constantine possessed. Disgusting. Horrifying. But what comes closer to reality will be the movie supernatural. The more we sin. Take note how deprive we look each time we plunge further. Also, take note of what we come to associate ourselves as we sin even further. Do you see a trend? And does not that trend horrifies you even to one bit? The soul and spirit of one is the most important part of ones being. Imagine what happens when you lose or had your soul and spirit replaced by something else. It be all easier that when your soul and spirit dies, it dies. But in truth it doesn't. Imagine each time you go to sleep, you see sadako (ghost from the ring) coming up to eat you, devour you. slow, gnashing gnawing. Thats how you die spiritually. Being eaten. Only worse. you can't "die" in the spirit realm. The equivalent of dying in the spirit realm is torture. Endless. gruesome inward eating in. Imagine seeing a horrifying ghost. Now imagine that ghost evolving to be stronger and stronger each time you enter the night. That is. my friend. Sin. We are subjected to it as far as we reject God.
Chapter 2. This time, it starts by saying we are inexcusable. How we know what is right and wrong? Our ability to judge someone else. Just by merely commenting on how badly someone has done something, we are indirectly saying we could have done it better. Only worse than alcohol talk, that is our pride talking. Rashly. Irrational. The bible continues to say. As we judge, we elevate ourselves to a state of mind thinking we are better of. But are we truly excused? No. God then unmercifully bears down on us going further to say. By your own measuring rod will I judge you. And let me ask you. In your own standards. How far can you honestly go. It was a painful reminder of how truly dependent are we. Worse. How good we are at denying we are dependent to the extend we believe we are independent.
If you do feel compelled about what I have written, it is not me who has compelled you. It is God. for a normal person would not feel remorse at the end of these. It takes conviction from God and a strong person to accept his falls. But it takes a greater step to go further and desire change. I have no prayer for you for I know you already has been spoken to by God. In the words of A.W. Tozer, Submit your life to Christ. Relieve your life. Go out there and live it in the image of Christ.
reference:
New Spirit Filled Life Bible. (NKJV) Thomas Nelson, Inc.2002
The Best Of AW Tozer, A.W. Tozer, Grand Rapids, Mich: Baker Book House, 1978)
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